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Geschreven door: Zoogamwa Sex by Pete Marchesi Do I believe in my life That I need to Or do Things have come up against me The words seem to circle In my brain So left without Bereft... I find enemies everywhere Cast out and left alone I cannot even sleep Strange dreams I have been having I have become shy and withdrawn Down... where I do not go I go And it is simple in my mind Then I will have to keep to it And be mindful of others I care about them greatly Even though Even though... Thoughts come to me I perspire So messed from all the excuses People do not even make They want me to think of them And please them I cannot do so Anymore I am almost out of life It is going too fast For me to catch up They say I am slow... The sun is coming up I have little to live for Do I even want to I just need time to slow down Perhaps I could enjoy myself Then Too much to keep up with Why do they want so much I ask myself I feel disturbed Like I should be worried about something Need to calm down Feel the cool breeze There has been no stop in me For a long time Should I be worried Shhh The night majestic The sun creeping forth My body tried and true Ready My nerves... on edge And frail I guess I need to be worried Third... cup of coffee I am feeling good Was in the madhouse the whole week My sister is letting me free At restaurant And... surrounded by acquaintances I must keep a vigil Things collide in me I must keep a vigil It is hard to do so They talk behind my back And call themselves my friends... I must keep a vigil I have been lonely a long time Outcast Not of this... I feel strong But bitter I see the customers come in They pretend not to know me What is in me I need to know I... need to be thorough I am worn out It is too hard to think There is in me A storm Of emotion I need someone to talk to Someone... precious My mother is gambling Down in San Diego We do not think I have to depend on... someone People reprimand me They don’t know why I pay attention I guess we are subtle It makes no difference It is that I need someone to confide in It has been so hard They go by I ignore them Customers... It is a revolution of the mind The way... they meet With each other And they make themselves feel special About it I don’t mind It is vain and trite They are mean with it I think they just want to be famous In the community... I have been thinking of money I cannot pretend No one is friendly I will not be... too forceful They will be against it Time goes on The coffee makes me feel alert I had some ham and eggs... Feel a little sick My nerves no good I am ignored It is not good for me A favorite restaurant to many The food is good But the service is dismal I have been cast out I am still here I am still ignored It is simple I am not liked They do not need to like... me I do nothing for them I never will I watch the TV They are without emotion They do not need to be I am still ignored Inconsequential I do not mind it I have gotten used to it I go out with my brother today To go get some coffee And see some fancy cars My sister is good to me I do not say much to her She may change her mind I am sore... inside Everyone is indifferent I ask myself About a sense of community They do not share Anything I need a girlfriend Quickly A home... to go to A refuge From the rancid waste of life I will not marry I will have children It could be I am no good at knowing... It makes no difference in my head This used to be our... restaurant There once was a family I do not know them Compassion... It is the word for the day I do not want... to feel it for anyone I have been struck too many times My body... I cannot trust my mind And have to be very careful I try to be friendly Nobody gives me any relief I need a girlfriend I say to a friend Of the... family He does not seem to mind He is a psychiatrist I will not care About what he says I am so old now We are going to look at fancy cars... Today I will not be frightened I do not like an agitated crowd Where do I find myself They are so forlorn Everybody I am happy Because I need to be I go outside to wait for my brother Coffee in my hand Cigarette on my mind I am so confused Dangerous to be like this The convoluted crowd It will not be any fun I prefer simpler things Looking at a tree Hoping for a bird... I am outside the restaurant A customer goes in He looks... nice You cannot tell They all have money around here You are supposed... to be feeling good The women look for security Not love It is a dry day The air is thin My nerves are in shreds Too much exposure It is about ten miles to the car show Will we make it I can hardly stand up I have been reasoning too much And am constantly having to defend myself I do not feel good I must breathe And make the tension go away Trouble in my life Big trouble I am waiting for the attacks I am defenseless They have no other choice The coffee is good It is cold now I will not accept transcendence It is my will I need them to be recognized My enemies I want them to tell me Why they hate me It is hard I am talking about people that relish Suicide in you I will fight them I am ready They attempt to humiliate me At all times It is nothing to them It is just their way That is why I cannot make friends Here It makes me very unhappy There are no kind words for them to say I am still waiting for my brother It should be time I look around No one What are we doing... here Making each other sick... with worry What is love to you I guess it must be something useful They... are here At car show The viciousness sweeps over me The air is bad Fumes... The cars are expensive I feel delicate I never want to see a car again My body... I can’t decide on it Tension Like you cannot believe My brother goes around taking photographs Silent Adamant None of us can afford it The car owners strut... It is a beautiful day I try to keep to it Feel weak My brother and his son They are somewhere now... Glad I got away from them In the shade There is money on their minds here It has it’s uses A car... Built to speed along Lonely and drifting They are drawn to an accident Any kind of accident The sky is blue Be brave I say to myself But what is the use They just walk through things Not caring about anything People... I take my time now Away from my family My mind... settling down I do not know the danger of it Please tell me It is dangerous to be alive They just go... Need to rest for a long time And I have a day and a half to do it What do people want It is said they want to be needed I guess they think that is love Love... Need a woman to go to I know it now But where can I find such a thing Most of them ignore you They don’t care what you are feeling They say they want to be happy But they make you feel bad Need to breathe... I want a woman comfortable with life That does not like to complain It is good in the shade Feel abrupt So much tension My mind circles the world Finding nothing Need to breathe Feel good somehow What do we hold onto No one knows They are abrupt and... careless Here they are We go Made it back... At my brother’s house I kind of call it home They say... I have no excuse for it I rebel I do not care about it A lot of tension is gone The car show was good Too many cars My family is okay I love them Try to... We share a lot There are memories We don’t exactly agree with each other On many things I leave it alone But... I am forced to do some things By them They fight against it They do not listen to me I don’t know why It makes me feel insignificant I tough it out But it gets to me I am in the garage A good space for me Only on the weekends During the week I am lost I can hardly carry myself I got into the madhouse somehow They keep me there During the week I know the place well The mind turns And the people running the place Do not turn with you Tension Aloneness It is an awful feeling You are made to feel useless That is so that they can keep you They feed you And insist it is safe I feel my mind... I must have lost it So easy to do If you have been kept in the madhouse They do not try to give you Anything worthwhile to do Like prepare you for a good job When you get out You have to be praising them For being good to you All the time If you are in there ...Fighting for your life Their intentions are suspect People get out of there Wearied by life Made to feel unimportant and extreme I say... I just need some love But it must be real They call me creative and stupid They do not know... I am sad for them Cast out... of my home I was sick of them anyway They did not exactly like me At any time I don’t know what it is about me I am straightforward I do not like some things And say so I am of the belief That we should do more Than just live our lives We have to contribute To the community Even if the community Is... abrupt They said they never wanted me back I might as well be dead Sad... I am over it But dealing with it Makes me tired I get confused And smoke too much I get deep into it It is of no use I treat myself gently And eat lots of ice cream I need to I act out of desperation Now I don’t think there is a way back home They say I am welcome to it I cannot be too strong with them They proceed With their lives and beliefs I leave it alone I continue my gambling and smoking And my... weird things It keeps me happy As an outcast I leave the community of friends Out of it Sitting in the garage Breathing I don’t know how to speak to them On some level I have gotten just wasted away I don’t know what to do about it I am just trying to be the same person I have always been Despite being in the madhouse Many of them Become detached from reality Being in there They can get no jobs What is their future... What a waste of time This is not community My brother is upstairs sleeping He is a good brother Insults me a bit too much It is just play But I worry a lot about him I have to be steady I am going down again My brain is tightening up My breathing is constricted And my nerves are tingling I feel heat The tension... Cast out It is no great thing I look far away They do not know how to speak to me Or how to argue They just know how to be defiant I do not fight that much My heart is beating rapidly I can’t look around me in a normal way Starting to feel very worn out They put a lot of medication in me It only serves to disorientate me They even say that that is a good thing We need to think of new things It is their premise That we learn about life in their... way It is disconcerting People change their beliefs For these intruders The body is good enough To live without medications They say I am ridiculous A lot of these medications are permanent They have to be sure of getting a check I look around the garage... It is nice It is home We are all nice to each other But we get on each other’s nerves In a bad way We mostly have to leave each other alone There are raised voices and tears Always... ultimatums It is a nice garage I hold onto what happiness I can I have been without... them For a long time I am even confused about them It takes me to the edge There is a lot of tension I am known to the police Because of my sister It is a disturbing... thing I never thought that something like that Would happen I have never worried about my reputation But it is unreasonable She does not take it that way She won’t talk about it It makes me feel like I must be Very far away from them It might just get to the point Where... I lose complete touch with them I have to be realistic The tension and worry builds in me What to do with my body... I wish they would leave me alone sometimes I feel the heat I have some me kind of fever My chest is tightening up I need a cigarette They don’t love me anymore... They do not care what happens to me It is only a duty to them I try to breathe A tightness in my chest Where is that cigarette... Can’t move now It is just as well Just want to be... There is too much confusion going on It is terrible I contribute to the community The best that I can I leave nothing out I have been cast out... There is an endless anger in me I cannot trust anyone and more Not family Friends Strangers... I stare at the page How can I get a woman for myself Amidst these... extremities I hear a door slam Is it my brother I am too tired to see I need a cup of coffee I feel so weak and sore I need to get back to myself I let go of the tension I let it go where it needs to Relaxed Oblivious It is okay to be that way If you are alone And will not be disturbed The madhouse... It is a terrible thing to think of I go outside I am smoking I need to be left alone The pain in my heart goes away I... feel beautiful A little breeze And pretty warm How to get through a hard thing An outcast Left alone in the world God cries for me He loves me I need it only now and then I do not insist on it I am not impatient For it... I need it to be quiet Silent So I can listen to him... The cigarette is good too Bugs around The place Flying in the sunshine A hummingbird after a butterfly He loses The smoke from the cigarette Is slow and beautiful I feel so full of love It could be pretty need a woman for it Where are they... Shhh The world is emptying out No one here It is perfect I love the sunshine The way it feels It is Saturday People working hard At the tourist business Everyone is on holiday It feels like it They are just looking around At things In this world Love I feel good Where did that tension go I breathe There are shadows and green It is perfect And all mine Pretty weird I am feeling pretty strange I laugh Another day from the madhouse It is not gentle As they promise it to be Disturbing at best You must always be asking to leave No matter what they say And fight... for the means to do it My body is relaxed My mind has taken refuge The tension is gone I feel my heart again It beats A car passes by The race is far away... What am I going to do When I do not have this place Anymore My brother cannot provide everything And I will need to work I hate it so I need to work for a good person Difficult to find Shhh My mind turning Things going away No friends Cast out by the community Left It is a free feeling Despite the conceivable consequences I will not be hard on myself I will care... Abrupt I guess it is a feeling of longing To be unrestricted A reaction To what does not please you I have hope... In others Not much But I go on with my life There are atom bombs And the possibility of total annihilation But all they want is to go To the doctor An unrelenting... I reach out to a woman This one is not a good idea She keeps on robbing me And... she tells me how nice I am I tell myself It is all that I have got Pretty stupid Of me She is reckless and vastly overweight She has eyes that see into me The only thing is That I do not know How to protect myself from her It was only a bit of flirting... I will not worry about it She has a great anger Which I am very scared of I am loosening up It is afternoon I need time to go slowly I hope for it I want going back to the madhouse To be as far away as possible She will not answer... Even my bones are tired now I need to recover fully So that I can take on the madhouse Again This coming week They are so kind... I am in the shade Quiet Alone Full of trust For God And his reasoning In putting us here We are not violent Wayward beliefs make us so See your body As an important thing It can do everything You do not need others... I give you hope I need it myself The battle to stay... myself Has been arduous I sink into it It is day I am alive I like it that way And I believe God is present That’s pretty cool I am simmering down Shhh The words is a benevolent place With people committed to good things Even though Confusion Has become rampant I take my time now... Aah I feel good There are no obstacles around here It is clear God is aware He is particular And I do not pry It has been a while away from him I am sure he must think Me in terrible danger I need a woman and children I try my best to please others I feel no love or... Passion No one is intent You need to be competent Thoughtful about the dangers You need to be alone And quiet with it It gives you strength I whistle Try to speak to the birds that way I am sure They just get mad at me My mother is gambling... today She always insists It is hard I am going off to talk to that woman again I am back... What do you want to tell me She just doesn’t love me that is all I feel so lonely She is away from the computer Private chatting I need her to respond She must know... I am with her in some way I guess it is foolish She tends to be violent I don’t know how to stop it in her But she has been homeless a long time It is a good excuse I am sitting inside the garage now It is cool Everything is in place There is a crow outside... They are strange birds They are very purposeful And do not miss Anything Oh I am so tired There was a lot of tension My brother is asleep... As of late He has been very good to me Kind... Thoughtful And helpful The crow is calling me outside I laugh I will not go It is heating up now It is like summer When is this woman going to be on Facebook again I am going to leave it alone An alternative Is to leave a nasty... note on Craigslist And see If some nice woman will catch on I am playing cards I am being alone There is no one to disturb me I should get up to something Craigslist is a good idea I have no transportation But I do have video on this phone I’ll forget about it And go outside I was losing at cards Luck is always Strange It makes sense that nothing can be permanent I do not move I think my body has found a place to rest The madhouse... It is no match for me I say to myself Anything difficult Is not insurmountable You can overcome it I rest I think of something sexual I am not going to say I believe in privacy And doing things... for yourself Only I dare not speak A silence has come into me This body needs to be resuscitated With love... or passion I differentiate Passion is not so well understood A love for life... And what it can do to you I am thirsty I am concentrating very hard I need to tell God I love him Why are we are I am sure we know in some way How difficult can it be We talk Communicate In incredible ways It is full... Of surprise and value We are... human beings Don’t take a chance with us We know what we are doing I gamble too much I have been away from it For eight... months I am pretty good at it In it’s own way It is a world full of doubt And surprise And losing... feels Strange Money is going unimportant In life you have to learn... to give things Away Like they don’t matter And like they will not Make any... difference to you You see the true value of life If you do it I won’t explain it Stay safe... I am waiting for a reply From that poor woman It is her birthday next Saturday I am coming down well now The tension was terrible People can tell How much pressure I am under They think it a failing And not the fault of the madhouse Need to walk... I go look at the transgenders I like the real ones Took... a long walk Feel better My brother has not been sleeping He has been working on his photography All day long He has gone to sleep... now I will forget about sex And on the Craigslist All there is... Is photos of puppies I need to forget the madhouse And... take steps I shall call this a Green Day I have not had many of them It is partly my objective To shock... people They are too quiet They get so angry At nothing They take it too personally I am with God Now It opens up my mind Gives me breath... There is a crow Is it the same one from earlier I do not know He is in a bad mood I do not acknowledge he is there Let him be... On his own We are in touch with reality here I do not doubt it We belong Need a woman Terribly much A transgender... They are loving Complete people Daring And obvious I wouldn’t mind one But she will not commit I am slowing down In my mind Taking precautions... We are not stupid There is a world We need to know it Well... Without thoughts of obvious reprimand People are cruel Let it free Some of them are beautiful Many are stricken by sadness And... ready for love We do not know our bodies I try to be pleased with myself No fighting I am against it My brother is up in an hour No time I need to know my Lord well There is no time What we share... From person to person Makes us who we are It is a treasure ...The information The feelings that you begin to love It is not beyond You To share peace And be passionate about your body And what you do with it Love Is an understanding That has an intense sexual nature That you can feel at all times We go corrupt The hummingbird is in the air Buzzing and screeching away... With it’s wings Tortured... By any stillness of the heart We hurry by I shall take some time Use my imagination And be useful I want to be real God looks away I laugh I don’t know why There are various presences I tell them I have been tortured so terribly And that... there is never anyone to reclaim me The madhouse fades away It is somehow cool now Cooler than it was before There is a plane far away An opening door I go inside A fluttering of wings... And I stop Where is that woman She has been off Facebook for a while There is no way to contact her Doesn’t she know I need her I begin to become breathless To allude to To give an impression of Reasoning Or common sense I am not hungry I should go inside But it is terrible in there... I can listen to music... Out here Where is my body I need to know it better We are all sexual Malevolent But quiet And Direct I will waste the afternoon away Alone When it is dark... It sounds like an evil dragon thing I hear a fire engine The poor people I stop And start to think about it I cannot go there! I need a child And a woman is useful that way... So sad They do not allow their daughters... I am invincible! The confusion begins Tension... I can’t share it with anyone God is not here He is far removed The chirping of birds The look of a body I will be quiet And wait I have been damaged thoroughly lately There is no stop in them They want to be King I will not fight Or... corroborate them They are of no value And I forget Them I do not feel so lonely I am aware Of my Sadness Someone has arrived I will be abrupt... now The afternoon is taking forever I must not lose my mind Control... It is a wicked house you call it And that I am mean to you You... are so demanding It is my adventure What I hold to My body... The birds have had a good day I can hear it The hummingbird scrapes by Irritated... I need... to laugh Feel interested Solutions... are not far away In my life I need to correct... Things And hold people to it Hard to do It is why I feel helpless I need to breathe The tension is back It will go away... I go check on that woman again And light up a smoke You go quick It is over Everybody is safe What am I talking about I crawl away I wish it was night soon I like the dark It is private Pertinent It does not need to be A lack of direction... Always My body is sinking into it And feeling good I have forgotten the madhouse The... unstoppable morass Perhaps this is all... Not a good idea People know me well Not as passionate Or caring Or loving They know me as adamant A good way to be They call me reckless I am not... I go inside No Smoking a cigarette Taking my time with myself I am thinking of women Who can prevent it I go inside I am still here My brother... He said It would be an hour Before he came down No time I quiver To say me ancient song My body... It cannot return So much is lost here And so easily I am quiet The neighbors... Perhaps... I will go eat something But I am not very hungry They do not let out their daughters... I do not know why It is an injustice to them The men parade about It is of no use Need to release I don’t know how I am grown up I should... just work out A way Shhh I am thinking Of nothing much It is what my body needs Passion and breathing And forgetfulness We cannot attend He can go and get the food The place is too crazy for me Nice restaurant We... have been looking after it for years He is still asleep My brother works so hard He depends on things A good brother To let me stay like this I would be broken... if Otherwise I need a peaceful moment I do not want to remember Anything The sun is beginning to sink I have the opportunity to smoke While outside the madhouse I go in... And disappear I need that now I think... But it troubles me So dangerous To unfortunate ones I feel... the blackness of night coming Cast out... It is rudimentary The reasons have been dealt with I would hope But it is not known I am always seeking a peaceful way to Be But... passion For the moment For God For everything around you Isn’t it pertinent And different populations... Don’t they fit Don’t be extreme or jealous It is a slow arrival To the truth Passion is real It is all... that we are I stop Sounds... Oh my God I need a woman! There is no movement No one to answer me I feel corrupt Jealous of God I have to be silent with it I am breathing... So tired That madhouse... is a huge concern It is interminable No one bothers with it There is hardly any criticism The victims hold on But they become so antagonized They become violent ...With the overseers Who fault them As not being peaceful People They are I drift... It is no fault of mine I do not want to go inside anymore It is beyond... me What the body can do I care for it Need to stay outside... Perhaps I should go sleep It is comfortable in that bed Over... there I look about There is still light From the sun My brother leaves Have a good time... I am ready But I wait What is my plan Perhaps to keep still The sun is still... warm I don’t think anyone is aware of me Just a little bit... Or... I could look at the internet The sun is glaring at me... I shall wait till it is deep into the night I sit for a while I am over it They say they love me They do not know who to love I have become bitter and old Not good I have... to sit for a while My head is spinning Perhaps people know me too well It can’t be... I have secrets I do not tell them I hear footsteps... Shhh I have somehow found myself inside now But it is not dark Is it private I let go This foolishness ...Of everything I try to be aware There is somebody upstairs That should not be there They leave What a pity Betrayal in our midst My brother is long gone Who remains It is confidential I like to trust people Whoever it is They are fast The footsteps are fast Looking for something Someone upstairs I think it just someone taking a shower That is good Feel better now I was thinking bad things were happening I got some more cigarettes from the car Silent I go play around on the internet Someone is taking a bath I am scared That bath doesn’t sound too secure up there It had a big leak About a month ago... I do not want it to fall through My sister texted me She sounds okay She can be tricky I hope not She has her own version of things It just makes me angry... My brother is still away That doesn’t matter I still do not feel like anything I am quiet inside My soul... or inner self Is still unscathed I have not changed Much My brother is close to Three hundred pounds I am going to tell him To find out if that bath Is still structurally safe People are beginning to go home For the day They want to be in their houses This is the only home... The sun is going The sounds of that bathtub It has me really worried My brother is getting me Seafood pasta from the restaurant Our... restaurant It has always been touted that me To be a family... effort Though my sister has taken hold In a strong way Need to slow down The hummingbird goes quiet My brother has his own family He is a very happy man I wish... for myself My sister is unwed too It looks like life is meaningless For some of us in America I see two hummingbirds... Hmm Pretty interesting Things are beginning to go dark In a way I do not want it to Because tomorrow will be here already I don’t sleep well here at night I try to stick it out So that I am sleepy at the madhouse And can just sleep there Their wings are vibrating... They are so little I must look pretty peculiar here Parking myself next to the garage It is not seen from the street But... I think the neighbors might be Worrying about it An owl makes it’s sound You can feel... the day draining away I am still excited by the prospect of Having sex I am not too good at it I am yet another tortured soul That feels his body In some meaningless way I am so happy... What can I do about the madhouse It exists A lot of people don’t know... what To do With It I feel as scared as hell The bathtub And now Billie Eillish Even a dog barking at me Won’t be able to correct myself For a long time now Sex is out of the question It was the neighbor’s dog And Billie Eillish... A pretty hard woman Need to relax the smoking I am being locked up And they don’t want me moving around No... walking! I decide to start letting go of things It will be a good night Something about my body I do not tell Maybe I won’t have sex tonight What is the point Need to get my body back together Love... is important to me I get the feeling No one is listening If you find yourself a victim Do not protect yourself Be... unimportant But considerate I have felt a lot... of Pain Lately Fear... Trepidation It won’t go away Till I am loose from all that stuff... I can’t go away completely Food is on the way My brother is at Our restaurant picking it up Hmmm Seafood pasta With a little cream I have gotten a bit hungry I can’t... shake that madhouse Just yet It is almost completely night Don’t feel like sex Food sounds fantastic Black... The sound of the planet Beginning to rest Starting to breathe The tension insignificant Sex... It is what we do We make babies with it It completes us In a good way Feeling hurt My body is beaten up They are beginning to get to me I don’t feel good about my life I should I don’t work I write A lofty goal But it is alright with me No money I am considering alternatives I would be safe in my old age In a mobile home I just can’t afford it Yet The words come rough... And thoughtless I keep my strength up My brother is here... With the food I am full Terribly good Don’t want to think of the madhouse Anymore It is dangerous How does my body feel It is becoming black outside I still will not go in That restaurant works well My step-father... He runs it He knows a lot about food Fired my girlfriend at the time A long time ago I don’t see how I can forgive him He is still mean When he wants to be Stern He is so Old... My breathing is good now I feel comforted Sex is like... that Things begin to change around me The cars nearby sound heavy I don’t know if there is a moon It is almost completely black Sex is a voracious subject I lean on it Hoping... For What comes I do not think about it too much I am done playing But there is no romance It stings to be alone I breathe... in the night I... hope for the black Life is expensive I do not waste time on my stuff I do not like people They interfere They... drool Trying to breathe The neighbors are leaving Saturday night Things to do It is good What is tomorrow It must be Sunday Not a day want to see Everything must stay still Power Silly word I do not know what it means People use words as if They are trying to prove something Completely black Stars The birds... I do not know where they are Private Thoughtful The night is thoughtful A thoughtful time Tomorrow is Sunday I go back in the evening I bet they miss me I bet they miss disturbing me With innocent words And complicated reasoning I am justified in my... home They differentiate And are in the practice Of locking up others It is very distressing No woman tonight That woman from Facebook Is... nowhere to be found I don’t know how to be happy Now I steady my nerves I see they are still frail It is completely black The trees are taking a breath I don’t care about anything I force myself to be like that Especially when people say to be sweet My body... is coming into A good place I have got cramps Mysteries There is definitely no moon I go to find it I found it It is a half moon Not too terribly bright The stars are very clear I rock back and forth On the hammock Looking up I did not deserve... a prison I did not do anything harmful But they are full of strange things Those people... They must not know about freedom Too busy... to care about it I have my cigarettes I am looking up Rocking back and forth Gently I am sometimes consumed by hatred I have no children I might have to give up hope I must Have Children I am full from the food There is nothing to think about Gently... rocking I don’t want to see the pornography anymore I want something gentle Consuming And... long It will be strange to me The sound of a police car Daunting Two of them I go to bed The hammock is comfortable The night is going to sleep My body is... empty So intent... on the invincibility of those people What do surround ourselves with They will not be spoken to There is a coyote I cannot grasp the ineptitude Of locking up innocents My body is warming up to sex I will not think about it The pleasure of the mind The workings of the heart So good In this body That has become wretched Because of the connivance Of the loud Breathing Thinking about sex The allure of movement The beating heart Loud and... there I must trust myself to be silent around here I am losing it all you know By becoming older How is that to be I am staring at the black Waiting for it to get cold The motionless breath of the night... I see a plane And can just... hear it Lights are coming on Everywhere I start thinking of the sex My plan is good Rhythm Muscles Feel it in my bones The night is huge There is nothing like it Ohhh that would be wonderful It is seven I rest Ohhh I like things private They must let it alone Disintegration You must be peaceful to avoid it God speaking to me Maybe I will put on some music And check up on my brother He cannot solve my... problems But he is helping I let it alone Only The moonlight for me It is placid Everywhere I giggle And smoke a cigarette It would terrible if I were found out I must be silent Does the door lock I go look It needs a key And I don’t have it ...And I want it to be long Interference would kill me I smoke the cigarette Privacy is so important Secrets I can hear the neighbors It is Saturday night They will not be asleep for a long time I have organized everything I go to check on the Facebook woman I do not want to do it I will be lazy instead Relax and take this beautiful night in Suddenly... my brother calls He is to sleep It is too early for me I have been given space It won’t take long... I don’t know how to do it I am just teasing you My plan will work But I don’t know how It Will Be That madhouse is a pressure On me Can I make it go away Give me freedom Perhaps I need more food I find people so concerned about each other I don’t care about it I am always letting go of Things I wonder how my mother is I think she gambled Fifteen dollars What a step into oblivion I should call But she likes... to be alone from me The plan is good I guess I have got to have a sense of humor I need it to be warm Shhh I am warming up Beginning to feel good Shhh The world is obsolete I will forget about it There’s the moon It is bright and white I finish the cigarette I need money I really need to think about that A mobile home would be good... I am going to move inside And put the light off Here I go It is curious I look for my company... It makes me sad to know That I am interrupted Hmmm I am heard I will wait for later I need people to be solidly asleep What to think about What to think about And... I need to change the plan My body is hurting I need it I will go hide in a corner Somewhere Not sure... I think my brother just came in He did not see anything Started moving things around in the garage It is nighttime Don’t believe it I need to calm down Something doesn’t like me What else is there to do but this When things are going badly You don’t complain! I need to adjust There is a new plan I just don’t feel like it anymore Need some water To drink Shhh He is loose Cluttering up the house My sister is probably even having Bad thoughts about me now And my mother probably thinks twice About giving me birth Need to breathe Need to breathe... All my relatives I do not know them All there is Is this... And we do not understand The psychiatrist and his friends Believe my kind Should not even have children Because we make choices They cannot believe! I simmer down I have to This is not my house And I am thirsty! The garage looks different now... The shame of it I was feeling very well Something I need to be For a time What now I will give up I need to Need to think of something else What... now! I am in the garage That is something The cold of the night Is just beginning I need some ice cream My brother is all over the house Fixing up things I hope it works for... him I just realized I need to be sneaky Need some water I go outside Thoroughly defeated I have some sweet iced tea It is not natural How we defeat ourselves It feels like tomorrow Is suddenly here How harrowing I am in that chair again This is war I will have my privacy I will be left completely alone I guess I have got to have A sense of humor... Smoking a cigarette Thinking about Nothing Where is God now I am sure he must be hiding Himself from me There are stars... There is a moon I just can’t quiet down anymore That took me by surprise I am sure of it I have to do it differently And think about it What the hell is he doing... I guess this is a private house Not much I can do I will buy that mobile home We will see then... I need a blanket It is going to be cold Tonight My face is white As white as death I had better succeed It is what I want I was busy... And I figured The neighbor was listening to me Sneaky Of Him My brother has no lady in the house I am very happy with my activity I still have the sweet iced tea Lipton I think of the madhouse But it is not important Fire engine It is late enough for everyone to sleep! Powerless That is the way I feel Wonderful Weak Obstinate Passionate My eyes... They must look unimportant My legs... And the muscles The rhythm Sharp and important I... rest I need my life back Whatever it is Whatever... they have left me They think it is a joke Me I am not a joke Cast out And lonely Going through hell As it is Around here... My body is out of control It likes it The plan worked out pretty good I must get back to the... activity Sexual slavery I will call it With a good... God present None of that If I knew you better If things were different Shhh I breathe The air is pure The cold... relevant The blankets are warm I have arrived I can forget Now I can be something different to them now They will not recognize me My feelings are still pertinent And cool War Not a good thing to think of Peace I think is something important I try to take my breaths I am caught In the light Of a lightbulb... I go inside And switch on the lights Of the garage It is simple in here A big square With things... in it I hear the brother rummaging upstairs All the rest Of the relatives Must be quiet I will not go to the madhouse against They are not any help It is strange how people are Expected... to ask for help It is after nine... It will be pretty late soon It is 22 hours before I have to return To that mess That they sell as a safe and good... place I feel like getting back into bed The phone is not charging I cannot type I let it be Perhaps this plug My heart is good I continue But I am a little frightened Need it Feel so... Sometimes I do not know where I am Because of the things they Do At the madhouse I am drying up My body... Correct in every way I long for someone Need to lose my mind... I go back in... that bed No reward There is no reward In my self And I let it go My body goes quiet It has been too lonely And I am harassed... all the time Who is fortunate There are so few And they have to be so steady I want children Who is going to look at me There is sweet iced tea Outside I gather myself Every moment purposeful It is definitely cold outside And I am not looking forward to tomorrow I drink the iced tea I was agile But I am definitely heartbroken No one to talk to And my life is definite trouble now I am not homeless anymore... I have climbed out I have grown old And you lose your intelligence I must be steadfast The neighbors are back They make noise It doesn’t matter I am over it They must not come to spy at me It is night Black So you do not see Me My brother’s house is asleep As are many others My mother must be dreaming of good things She is abrupt I am an outcast Because of all... of them The community will not go away Sex It is morning I feel delicate Have some coffee Sitting in a car My brother is off taking photographs The view is beautiful Sunrise There is a huge cloud on the ocean And the sun is bright Yellow Last night was nice It has been a long time I am with myself No woman It is sad But I can deal with it All the consternation of the world So dangerous You feel vulnerable But you get by The light is something else here He will be away for a while Here comes the sun It is wasting no time Another cigarette The sea is something else I just watch I must go fishing soon The light will wash out the pictures It is just good to be here Why are we so threadbare Sleepless And mordant We don’t take it seriously enough It is beautiful what we have So full of life And expression We can hardly keep up... That was something else The sun... Sex is a part of us It must go away It feeds us Love There are boats and boats and boats here There are some people as well On this cliff We are looking over Down Suicide It makes me weep Keep on going We are too fragile And the world too stern Be gentle with one another Delicate The birds are awake The coffee is good Look at that cloud... It is so low I light another one I am happy with what I have done Made myself feel well The nerves are stronger now I can deal with the madhouse again I am strong What kind of day is it No church for me It is all here What we need The white of the sun The grey of the sea The blue of the sky And us... And the rest of it This is our experience Do not get locked up The self suffers And suicide is knocking At your door People make mistakes Here comes my brother Back to the coffee We go We drift down to the harbor People are so busy What do we care I don’t know what they like It is nice down here I am out of cigarettes Some people are going fishing... Why do we even work There is talk even... about a jackpot On the boat Taking the people fishing They will enjoy themselves I have to go back It will be no fun The things we do What we have to take care of Need to get back to my brother’s house And do some washing Of clothes My brother is traipsing all over the place Found some cigarettes... I’ll be okay The madhouse is hell to be in What are we encouraged by We need to lift our spirits and stay there Life is an adventure We do not look back Made it... back to the house Have to prepare to go back To the madhouse tonight I feel indifferent Like I didn’t get enough Am I still friends with my family Only my brother Everyone else has left me behind They consider me ungrateful My life... I know it well Being an outcast is a mean thing I don’t know how I will get on It means you are estranged From the ones you love Love... A dark place I do not think about Rife with subjectivity And totalitarianism Who runs the place... I am too old for it You have to be comfortable What am I prepared for The tension is visible I have to get through the week Cast out of my life... No one Still thinking of money Getting a job That mobile home Girlfriend Children And playing guitar for them I am sure of this They can cast me out into the sea For all I care It will happen I will be 106 when I die And I will see my children grow up It just must be done 1 You might like one of the following stories: My Daughters Phone #9(16 minuten)Dagboek This is a continuation of a story I started a few years ago. Hopefully I can continue. There is no sex in this story because I have to rebuild the characters for your reading entertainment. There are a more than enough 'hints' though. Story Telling(16 minuten)Fictie - Geschreven door vrouwen, Group Sex, Maagd, Oral Sex, Overspel, Teen Female / Teen Female, Teen Male / Teen Female I started telling our story to our guests - all six of us were naked and the ladies all were trying to keep two men's output and our own juices from making a mess on the sofas, Our guests, who were new to swinging, wanted to know how the four of us, me, my sister Nancy and our husbands, got started swinging. It went back further than they could have imagined. A Girl named Areola Part 04(20 minuten)Fictie - Exhibitionisme, Female exhibitionist, Geschreven door vrouwen The girls continue to have fum Tinas Afternoon Delight(13 minuten)Fictie - Dierlijk A woman feeling neglected by her husband decides to take advantage of an opportunity to add a new and exciting element to her sex life. Tammy (1) The Bus Trip(12 minuten)Fictie - Anaal, Dwang, Group Sex, Incest, Jongens / Tiener meid, Male / Teen Female, Male Male / Teen Female, Older Male / Female, Oral Sex, Pijpen, Reguliere sex, School, Slikken Woken in the middle of the night Tammy has to go on a trip with her father to collect 4 boys in the school bus. For 2 hours she is at the mercy. Dad finds out the truth | ||||